She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
