I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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