don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
