Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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