actually, I'm a sock model
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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