That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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