i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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