I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize