can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
