Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
