There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
