No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
