Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
