took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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