well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
