yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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