you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
