Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
