That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
