Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
