i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
