Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
