kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
