he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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