I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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