Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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