you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize