so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
