what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
