honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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