The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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