i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
