I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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