He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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