I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
