His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
