i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
