theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
