College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Success! We fucked roommates!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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