If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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