You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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