Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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