She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
