i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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