Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
