Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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