I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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