I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
