we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
