My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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