I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
