I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize