His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
