i think i have two assholes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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