Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You pole danced in your parka.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
