watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize