i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
