what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize