he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
