my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
