i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
