How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
