I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's the barista slut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
