I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize