My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
