It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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