I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
