come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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