i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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