Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
