I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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