she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
