I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
