i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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