true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
