The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone stole a lamp last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
