I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
