happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
