i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
