Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
