Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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