is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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