dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
