My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
