I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
