i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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