hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
